Timeline

As one Survivor stated, “as we saw, felt and listened to account after account of abuse and the lack of response, the “monster” that was buried in my shadow, came alive.”

We literally thought we were just a few abused, not a multitude. When we found out the magnitude of this and about the cover ups, non-transparency and the stealthy moving around of perpetrators, we were horrified.

As time passed we learned that Dean Bruer was not only a pedophile but also a rapist. He had harmed many children and raped sister workers. The extent of the evil was revealed by victims coming forward.

Survivors were re-traumatized!

Our physical, emotional, psychological and mental PAIN flared up like never before.

Our long-term diseases & chronic illnesses attacked us with a vengeance and our mental health declined as we grieved over this new information.

What we believed to be true, right and good, was not.  It was hard to believe. We were in shock.

Some became brave:

Survivors called the hotline. They began telling their stories. They found other Survivor stories online and read them as well.

We were retraumatized yet once again just as those who had been in the past who had been brave enough to come forward only to be shamed, blamed and humiliated.

We were called liars or weren’t believed. Or accused of exaggerating. Blowing it out of proportion. Because we told our stories, we were trying to destroy the Kingdom of God.

And then we experienced the lack of compassion and empathy by not only workers but the people in this fellowship. Instead we experienced criticism, harsh judgment, shame and blame for being victims. Family members abandoned us. We were stunned.

And most recently we are told to forgive and forget. Mathew 18. Remember?! So that everything can be “normal” again.

Perpetrators are favored, protected and preferred.

Survivors are disdained, mistreated and scorned.

Then we understood why Survivors remain silent and do not come forward.

Most people chose to ignore it and pretend all was well.

Survivors were easily triggered by much. Our jobs, businesses, and relationships have all been impacted and it’s been devastating.

We were angry, hurt and experiencing our trauma all over again in this endless cycle of stress and trauma and it’s been daunting, overwhelming and debilitating.

“If only” rings in our ears constantly as we imagine what could have been:

If only children still weren’t being compromised.

If only they had listened to the stories, believed them, and stopped the cycle of abuse instead of blaming, shaming and discrediting those true stories. The ministers we loved and held so dear to our hearts had disappointed us the most.

Some of us started advocating for others as we grieved from this new reality we found ourselves in. Some of us just couldn’t face it and still can’t.  Some are willfully ignorant by choice. Some clearly just don’t care as evidenced by their lack of empathy, compassion & action.

The apathy in the church is real.

• If only the workers, elders and leadership had done the right thing.
• If only they would have educated themselves about this problem.
• If only they would have reported it to the law.
• If only they would not have been accomplices to these heinous crimes.
• If only another child hadn’t been put at risk.
  
  

We realized we had been deceived for decades and our trust in workers was shattered.

We became “truth seekers” and went online to research facts about this horrific topic and read the stories of other victims and we could totally relate to them. Empathy filled some of our hearts. Others didn’t believe it was possible and chose to ignore it.

(Statistic: 94% or higher are TELLING the TRUTH about their ABUSE!)

We read about how victims were treated when they brought their story to workers. They were shamed, blamed, silenced and threatened. Some victims were actually physically attacked and threatened to keep silent.

We read about many friends, in past years, who were kicked out of the meetings or their  meeting was removed from their home because they stood against Child Sexual Abuse when it happened in their family by someone in this fellowship including workers, elders and other friends.

Then we knew God had awakened us to the reality of this horrific situation and that He would hold us accountable for this knowledge.

We knew that we could NOT be complicit to these actions of evil against innocent children.

So we became advocates for survivors and for change.

Professionals among us began workshops and taught workers about Child Sexual Abuse, trauma, how to recognize perpetrators, therapies and much more. Teams of our friends spent countless hours and a tremendous amount of effort to analyze data and create Safe Church Policy based on their research, knowledge and biblical principles.

Bridging the GAP on CSA started as a communication platform between leadership and survivors and morphed into education, advocacy and support for survivors.  Other resources were created such as The Concerned & Connected Friends on Mighty App and other groups.

We witnessed a very gradual awakening of some of our friends and action being taken to hold leadership accountable by not attending gospel meetings, special meetings and/or convention.

We witnessed the Overseers refusing to acknowledge there was a huge disconnect and problem, refusing to admit wrongdoing, blatantly denying facts, stubbornly unrepentant for their culpability, and unwilling to adopt Safe Church Policies. The only state that did and kept one at the time of this writing was Texas/N. Mexico but we have personal experience of them not following through with it at the time of this writing, October 2024.

– Rhonda Grillo